Insights and Insecurities
by MissDevon
Summary: Things between Amy, Josh, and Donna come to a head.


AN: Heard the song and had to write about these there, although I admit, this wasn't where I initially intended to go, I think it works quite well for the characters.  I hope you agree.

MissDevon

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_~It's not her fault that she's so irresistible  
But all the damage she's caused isn't fixable  
Every twenty seconds you repeat her name  
But when it comes to me you don't care  
If I'm alive or dead~_

She stood there and watched as they all interacted with each other, never quite including her.  Not even him.  Hell, especially not him. And that's what bothered her the most.

The others she could explain away, but not _her. Definitely not how he'd turn to __her._

When she'd truly been on the outside she'd been aware that there was something going on, but he had denied it so well, that she had wanted to believe him.  Has started to make herself believe him.  Only now, she couldn't deny it anymore.

Oh, the clues had always been there.  She'd always been aware of them, even in her denial. Seen more and more how he counted on _her. How she counted on __him._

There was something there that she could never give him.  She didn't understand the inner workings of his mind the way she did.  She would never be the woman he called to help him keep things together.  Whom he turned to when it was all falling down around him.  And her name wasn't the one he called out after a nightmare. . .

He could explain that away all he wanted, but it was clear, she wasn't the one that he feared losing.

_~So objection, I don't wanna be the exception  
To get a bit of your attention  
I love you for free and I'm not your mother  
But you don't even bother~_

"Amy, why aren't you celebrating?" the easy tone of Jed Bartlett broke into her thoughts.

"I'm sorry, sir.  Would you prefer that I run around hugging and kissing people like some others?" she asked tightly.

"Well, that might be a start."

"I think I'll save it till we win the actual election, if you don't mind."

"Suit yourself," the President shrugged as he moved pass her and further into the room intent on finding his wife.

Rolling her eyes at his retreating back, Amy returned her gaze to where Josh stood with an arm around Donna's shoulders.  "This has got to stop," she muttered as she crossed the room, stopping a few feet from them.  "J. . ." she started, squinting slightly when he didn't hurrily drop his arm as he once would have.  In fact, he didn't move it at all.

"Amy, when did you get here?" he asked, grinning like the idiot she was starting to think he was.

"I've been here all night, you've just been too wrapped up in other things to notice," she replied, not trying to hide the edge in her tone if for no other reason than it should get him to focus on her.

Josh only shrugged, "I've been busy."  
  


"Apparently."

"Ummm. . . I'll just let you two. . . you know," Donna interrupted as she shifted uncomfortably and reached up to dislodge Josh's arm.

"You don't. . ." he started only to stop at the roll of Donna's eyes.  "Whatever," he sighed in resignation as she nodded to Amy and walked away.

_~Objection, I'm tired of this triangle  
Got dizzy dancing tango  
I'm falling apart in your hands again  
No way, I've got to get away~_

Josh ran his hand through his hair as he stared at Amy, frustration growing.  "Why do you do that?" he asked.

"Do what?"

"Constantly treat Donna like she was dismissible."

"She's an assistant, Josh.  She doesn't have to be in on everything."  
  


"She's more than just an assistant."

"Really? And just how much more?"

"Can we not do this?'

"Again, I ask: do what?"

"Have this fight again!"

"You don't think that we should sort this out? Don't my feelings count, or just your precious assistant's?" Amy shot back, unaware that her voice had risen as high as it had or that they were attracting an audience--- one that including a stunned Donna.

_~Next to her cheap silicon I look minimal  
That's why in front of your eyes I'm invisible  
But you gotta know small things also count  
You better put your feet on the ground  
And see what it's about~_

Donna swallowed hard as she watched the scene unfolding like a deer caught in the headlights of an eighteen wheeler, not sure what she should be feeling, although anger at the other woman was high among the ones that sprung to mind.  Truth was, she could understand Amy's position.  She was her counter-part in this weird dance they all did.  The--- how was it the line in "The Women" went?---  oh, right: "The office wife." 

And for the most part she had accepted it.

Dealt with it.

She would never be more to Josh.  They would deny the undercurrent of more to the bitter end, which was why, she supposed, they denied to begin with.  They didn't want an end--- especially not a bitter one.

So, she had accepted that they wouldn't be more. 

Couldn't be more.

She allowed herself to flit to the side.  Allowed herself to become a forgettable appendage, but Amy couldn't forget her presence and so she kept picking away at them.  Only she couldn't do it in private.  Let it remain private.  She had to force Josh's hand in public.  Force him to give what they never did his attention, and now she had to wonder if it would be the "office wife" who got left this time.

_~Objection, I don't wanna be the exception  
To get a bit of your attention  
I love you for free and I'm not your mother  
But you don't even bother~_

"Yeah, well maybe they do!" Josh shot back angrily.  "Because it's clear that Donna at least cares enough about what I say to listen to it, and she's not insecure enough to make unfounded accusations in a roomful of people including reporters on a night that we've all worked our asses off to get to!"

"Are you _implying I'm insecure?" Amy asked incensed._

"No. I'm flat out saying it!" he retorted as he turned on his heel and stalked towards the bar.

"This _isn't over J."  
  
_

"Oh, yes it is.  And in more than one way, Amy," he threw over his shoulder and continued away from her.

_~Objection, I'm tired of this triangle  
Got dizzy dancing tango  
I'm falling apart in your hands again  
No way, I've got to get away  
  
I wish there was a chance for you and me  
I wish you couldn't find a place to be  
Away from here~_

Amy glared at his back as she forced her posture to stiffen and inhaled to fortify herself and to keep the tears that were a mixture of pain, anger, and humiliation at bay.  She had given up a Senator for him and he couldn't even let go of an uneducated assistant for her.  Catching the people still milling near her out of the corner of her eye, she turned on them.  "What are you looking at?" she groused.

Shrugged, they turned and disbursed as she spun on her heel intent on stalking out, only to lock eyes with Donna.  She was surprised when the younger woman didn't break eye contact.  Determined to have someone to take her anger out on, she headed towards her only to stop as she was able to read the younger woman's eyes.  See the truth in them before she broke eye contact herself and looked to Josh as he downed a drink.  Sighing, she looked back to Donna and tilted her head slightly.  Donna's only reaction was a sad little smile as she nodded and walked towards Josh.

_~This is pathetic and sardonic  
It's sadistic and psychotic  
Tango is not for three  
Was never meant to be  
  
But you can try it  
Rehearse it  
Or train like a horse  
But don't you count on me  
Don't you count on me boy~_

Amy walked to the door and turned to watch as Donna reached Josh and put a hand on his shoulder, watching the look he gave her and frowned.  Apparently she wouldn't have to come up with someway to hurt him the way he'd hurt her in the time honored tradition of a woman scorned, because it was clear he was already doing it to himself.

She could see now that he wasn't really hit and run, just that he didn't know it--- or more likely wouldn't admit it to himself.  But it wasn't her place to care any more.

_~Objection, I don't wanna be the exception  
To get a bit of your attention  
I love you for free and I'm not your mother  
And you don't even bother~_

She wasn't his mother.

Had never been his lover in the true sense of the word.

No, they had just been someone that the other could hold onto when they were lonely.

Scared to commit to others.

He was right.  

When it came to relationships she was insecure.

But apparently, so was he, he just didn't know it yet.

Laughing slightly, she turned and walked out of the room, making plans.

She'd hand in her resignation once she had another job lined up; because it was time she regained her security there at least.  No more questions on how she got her job.  No more feeling left out of the loop or waiting for another knife wound.

She'd leave it all behind and start fresh.  Start secure and leave them to destroy each other piece by piece.

Poetic justice for the pieces of her destroyed in the name of attraction.

_~Objection, I'm tired of this triangle  
Got dizzy dancing tango  
I'm falling apart in your hands again  
No way, I've got to get away~_


End file.
